I have been struggling with being productive for a long time. On some days I am super productive, and on other days I am super unproductive. And I can't chose when that happens. It even happens when I get a good night's rest, and it's worse if I don't. And this has always bothered me.
When I was younger, I thought I might be depressed. And I did have some negative self-talk where I devalued myself compared to others, so there was evidence to back that up. But one day I realized that I wasn't really depressed... I was just tired... physically exhausted. If I got rest, I would feel fine again. If I really were depressed, I would still be depressed after I rested.
Years later I had a doctor who diagnosed me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. At the time, it was a new field of study, so it wasn't something they could test you for. Her diagnosis was based on what I told her and a basic physical examination. I didn't believe her at the time. I thought that since she was studying the disease and writing a paper on it, she was prone to seeing it even when evidence was scarce. From my perspective, I told her I got tired a lot, and she responded with a diagnosis based on just that.
For decades I struggled with this problem. And now I have proof that it is real thanks to a Fitbit.
If you have the premium package, it calculates your readiness score. I looks like they figured out how to measure it now, because on days that I am not productive, I will have readiness scores in the single digits. On a good day, I will have a readiness score of 100, and on a bad day, I might have a readiness score or 1 or 6.
I absolutely get nothing done when I have a readiness score that low. I procrastinate. I get distracted easily. I go down unproductive rabbit holes. I don't think clearly. I don't make sound decisions. I make mistakes. And, ironically. I will forget to rest since I am not thinking clearly.
Part of it is because I am not getting enough sleep. But getting enough sleep isn't always enough. I can be well-rested, and still wind up running out of energy. So there is something more to this than getting enough sleep.
I am not sure how to solve the problem yet, but I do know I need to manage my energy, and I do know that my productivity directly corresponds with my body's state.
And, more importantly, I have realized that it is something physical. It is not depression. It is not laziness. It is not mindset. Because when I am full of energy, I am very productive. Now that I know what is causing me to be unproductive, I can work on that.